is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
