I just pynch a tree in the face
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Couch. On fire.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
