Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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