On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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