How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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