someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Drunk is a universal language darling
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
