Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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