idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
