what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
