he told me I talked like a deaf person
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
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