I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
