69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
