At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I still have a little drunk in my system
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize