you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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