there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
