I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
