Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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