You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
