i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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