So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
