i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
it's like heaven, but drunker
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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