Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
