You made me cry and you don't even care
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
