school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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