At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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