I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
