I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize