Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
