If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
