I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Randomize
