i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
