Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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