I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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