Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
