my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
