i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Randomize
