you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
