? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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