Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
