the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
