so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
