oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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