I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
