Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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