she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
