he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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