is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
