Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
