Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
