Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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