the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Randomize
