I think my fart just growled at me.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
