Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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