Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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