I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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