The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
