I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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