I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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