you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
