Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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