I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
