Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
they're like a gay fantastic four
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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