i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
